A work in progress, the ups and downs of college life in lockdown.

Taking pictures of people that due to lockdown, have had to find other ways to keep fit.

I have tried various locations in Dundee ,where I have seen people exercising.I have approached them, and asked if it would be ok to have a wee chat and take some pictures in regards of how they have adapted to keeping fit during this years lock down .So far one has wanted their picture taken, but a couple have spoken about their changes in regards of keeping fit.Mainly it has been going out running, the streets of Dundee, and exercising in their own homes.One of them felt it had actually benefited them both physically and financially, and they doubt they will go back to working out in a gym.I spoke to one of my son's(he was a gym member)about what he has done, and he informed me, that he found there are various places across Dundee, that have exercise equipment(usually a park)and he has just started using themes I will take pictures of him when he goes to the one he uses.

Took pictures at the outdoor gym(exercise equipment free to use in various parks across Dundee),strange looks from passers by(something I am use to anyway).

Next assignment is Xmas light's, community gatherings(if any) 'Light in a dark year'.I contacted Dundee City Council in regards of any community 'with on's',and I was informed that there would be no gatherings or community events for xmas tree light displays.They would just be put up and switched on.So I will check if there are any local groups within the Dundee area, that will be going ahead with any kind of xmas event?I will take pictures of any displays set up by businesses, or local charity's, or by the good old public themselves.

I went into the city centre as the City council's traditional xmas tree was up and I wanted to get some images that are just a wee bit different to the usual bright and shiny one's.I drove around Dundee looking for something that would catch my eye, something that either buisnesses or individuals had done. Now we are heading for another lockdown ,the challenge of of managing to take images with further restrictions forced upon us, isn't great ,but working around it is another challenge ,and a learning curve that will stand us in good stead, in the meantime, continuing to do research on photographers old and new, and as always, looking for inspiration for images I will take in the future.I contacted an Edinburgh based photographer that I follow on instagram(Pete Wands)and he was surprised that anyone not only had an interest in his work but that they would seek advice/inspiration from him.He was only too happy to help, and we have remained in contact since.Then I contacted Jon Nicholson in regards of his creative process, and he was more than happy to chat over the phone or to answer any questions I had, by email. As I was working, I felt it would be easier to respond via email. So I sent my questions, and he responded via email within a matter of hours.I will add his answers to my questions in a separate blog.There was a little bit of hope that we would get back into college in Jan ,but that has door has been closed.

I have felt distanced from this course mostly due to not being in class, not being beside my class mates, isolated as the way I learn has taken a big hit, and for me personally, it has caused me so much stress and grief, and I have felt so alone.Also with things going on behind the scenes, my focus has been taken further away from this course than it already was.I am happiest when I am taking photographs, not doing research or talking about research, and this has been a major contributor to what I feel is a drop in my standards(they weren't that high to begin with).

Struggling-Isolated-Alone.

I have found during not only this lockdown, but during this semester at college, that my creative process is being free, going out and just taking images of what catches my eye, what I am drawn to, not what I need to do, because I feel I lose a lot of my passion.

Typical Dundonian stopping for a wee cup of tea and a sandwich, even though it was -3 at the time.

Semester two has started and we are still learning online,.It isn't the best and sadly we have lost two members of our class, who found this way of learning to be a struggle too far.They will be missed (especially as they have been part of my inner group within the class)I am actually the last one standing from our group with the class group.New briefs to undertake, new challenges await me on the road ahead.We are still in lockdown, restrictions are still in place.

There is hope that we will be back in class before this course finishes, but it has really had an impact on my standard of work(I have standards, kind of)this remote learning has had an impact on my mental well being.I don't think people realise how isolated it makes you feel?You can put on your 'public' face when you are online(even though a lot of the time I hide behind my switched off camera).Others are struggling with it as-well and as a group we have been really supportive of each other, but it still doesn't make up for being home alone!It looks unlikely that we will be back in the college before we finish this course.Restrictions are being lifted too slowly, and sadly our time at college will be over before the restrictions are.A lot of people are struggling mentally with issues ,some hide it better than others, so in many ways, this has probably been the hardest year most of the students have ever had to face.I still have to get out for my own sanity,I mean work hasn't stopped for mess a certain amount of my life is going on as normal, and I am lucky in that respect, but going out and taking pictures is good for my mental health, it keeps me focused, it calms me, it keeps a sense of normality in my day.

Motivation ,now that has been an unexpected distraction. It has taken my eye of the finishing line, it has slowed me down, almost going in reverse away from that last 200 metres .This is something I want to finish, something that I want to pass,I mean I will have out 3 years of my life into this, and I want to go out with a bang ,not a whimper.That is the thing with life, you never know what is just around the corner.The pictures I have posted below sum up a couple of thing's but they also show something else. In regards of the images(only taken a couple of days apart) it shows in pictures how I have been, how this year has been.One day I am all bright and colourful ,the next I feel like I am in a dark place, looking for a way out.The more striking thing for me, is that I am now putting my names to these pictures(my Wife has been telling me for ages I should).Didn't I want to attach my name to them before?Was I secretly unhappy or disappointed with my work, that I didn't want to put my name to them?

Simple answer is 'NO' I am a work in progress,I see a change in my work,I see how I come at an image now, the creative process behind it(honestly,I don't just stop, click and move on)how I develop an idea or an image I have in my head into something visual.More than that, what I see in regards of putting my name to my work is,I am ready to take the next step,I am ready to begin my journey in the field of professional photography, and for me that is a huge step.If someone had told me just 3 short years ago,I would be where I am now,I would have stared at them in disbelief and then called for the white van to take them to a place where they could get the help that they quite clearly needed.The two images below, for me, show the contrast(mentally) between good days day full of light and hope, the second is a dark feeling not so bright and sunny. It is a stark visual contrast that probably better explains my moods on those days, days, more than actual words can.The thing that I take from them is that no matter what mood I am in(especially if I am down) I am still going out there, looking for the next image. So there is light at the end of the tunnel, the grass is greener on the other side of the bridge.

Coming up to our Easter break, and whilst I have many ideas for the briefs we have been given in regards of my projects,I am still finding it hard to motivate myself ,to push myself, to get the artistic juices flowing as such.Sitting here trying to finish my research, and it is like I the keyboard is my enemy, and my brain can't communicate my thoughts, my ideas, and then be able t put them in writing.I can express how I am feeling, but trying to break down an image someone has taken, at the moment, it fails me.My head is full of places I want to go, images I want to take.I know this is just a temporary blip, and I will learn from this experience and hopefully, if it happens again, I can respond to it better/quicker and it will have less of an impact on myself and my work.I purchased a Sigma 24-70mm lens(maybe I am starting to take this photography malarky serious?) It is something I have thought about purchasing for a long time, and having spoken to a few wedding photographers ,apparently it is 'the' lens that you need to do social photography.

I still haven't opened my studio lights and backdrop boxes(not as it may seem I am afraid to do it, but I am scared of attacking it head on) I've just lacked motivation(one of my most used words this last year).It feels like we have been hit with a hell of a lot of work to do as we near the end of the course. It feels like it would've been spread out over the last few months, but now restrictions have been lifted, it is full on, with less time to do the work than as probably originally planned?Also the fact the finishing post is now in sight, it is also a bit scary as we are about to embark into the world of photography on our own.For me it has been a 3 year journey.From not owning a camera til the day before the course started, to trying to take in a lot of new information, for me a new way of learning(when I left school, they still used blackboards)to learning. How the camera functions to learning how to use Lightroom, photoshop and so on.It has been hard in many instances for me, and I will continue to learn as my journey within photography is far from over.I have been lucky in regards of my classmates.They have been a great bunch of people, all very supportive of each other, and we have all helped each other in different ways over the length of this course.

All of a sudden the finish line is in view.We have 26 days to finish all of our work, both written and images, and upload them so they can be scrutinised, poked and prodded, as if they are looking into our very soul(personally I have put so much time and effort and a big chunk of myself into these last 3 years).And before you know it, it will be done and dusted. No matter the outcome,I plan to take this photography malarkey serious, and hope to do it for a living(that has been the plan basically from day 1).It is the fear of the next step, the great unknown of being a professional photographer.Wanting to be the best I can recreating something that people like.It is a big responsibility.For now,I have to navigate around the lights and background set up I bought, the thing that will take me to the next level.Getting ever closer to the finish line, we had extra work given to us this weekend a lot of the class are stressed out, they feel it is too much, and not enough time to do it all. I feel a some may not be able to finish this course , and that would be a real shame due to the amount of time, effort, blood and sweat they have put in to this course.Personally I am feeling the pinch.Due to working full time(not looking for sympathy or making an excuse I knew when I signed up, what limitations I would have to deal with)and with the lockdown being lifted, I have more grandparent duty as our daughter in law is back in work, so we are needed more during the week. As one of our tutors says "It is what it is".It does feel like a train is hurtling toward me, lights on full, horn blasting loudly, the end is coming for me, accept it or get out of the way.

It is our last week, and for a lot of us, although we knew it was coming, it is still. a bit hard to take/face.

Personally, this last year has been the hardest mostly due to things out-with the College and out-with my control. It has helped me to focus and to realise that nothing is guaranteed, tomorrow is not a given.

Like some things in your life that come to an end, you are ok with, it has run it's course, time to move along, but I am genuinely sad that this journey, this chapter of my life is indeed coming to an end . I have learnt so much, met some incredible people, had many laughs, and we've shed few tears. It is time for the next chapter...